The Sixth Commandment, “You shall not commit adultery,” deals primarily with the fidelity of marital relations, but it also reminds us of the intrinsic dignity of people and the respect we are to have for them. As a result, “the tradition of the Church has understood the sixth commandment as encompassing the whole of human sexuality.”
(CCC #2236) So please understand that this is a huge topic and cannot be covered in a simple article such as this one.
We live in an age where many people are honestly confused about the true nature of love. There are different types of love (which could be a separate article in its own right), but the highest love is altruistic (or selfless) in nature. We see other people as having a dignity that is part of who they are; therefore, to love someone is to recognize this dignity in all facets of who they are. We are not free to manipulate a person for selfish reasons. Selfless love, then, is sacrificial in nature, and demands self-mastery over our emotional feelings and innermost thoughts. We must restrain ourselves and focus on what is best for the person before us.
Human sexuality, properly understood, encompasses not just biological issues but the whole nature of the person. Human beings have both bodies and souls. We are called to unify all the powers of our bodies and souls so that all our thoughts and emotions are guided toward selfless love. So the Sixth Commandment reinforces self-restraint in all aspects of our lives, especially in sexual matters. We are called to be chaste (with everyone and ourselves) until we are married. This calling to self-control is a type of “apprenticeship” where we ingrain within ourselves a deep respect for the “moral and spiritual dimensions” of everyone. People are never meant to be seen as instruments for our personal pleasure, and sexual urges are not to be acted on as a means of self-gratification alone. (see CCC #2332, 2338-2345) Acting on sexual urges outside of the marital covenant (with our without consent, with or without others involved) is wrong.
(see CCC #2352-2356) Even thinking lustful thoughts of another is condemned by Christ. (see Matthew 5:27-28) So this Commandment is a calling to total self-mastery as well as faithfulness to our promises to others.
Let me clarify what lust is and is not. It is not mere desire. Sexual attraction, by itself, is an emotion like any other and is morally neutral. It becomes lust when we start to center our thoughts on the pleasure aspect in our minds outside of its proper context of marriage. Lust is “a disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.” (see CCC #2351) So the key is taking control over our imaginations. Falling in love with someone? Not a problem. Sexual fantasies? Most likely a problem. So yes, you can look lustfully at your spouse. There's a fine line here. Reflecting on the deeper motivations behind our imaginations is crucial. Everything we think, say, and do must be compatible with the vocation we're living out. No one should be a sexual plaything in our imaginations. Marriage doesn't change that. But not all sexual desires and thoughts are necessarily lustful. Prayerful reflection on this Commandment, and the other teachings of Christ, will help us both to understand the true nature of this Commandment and the larger calling for us to love others as Christ loved us – completely and selflessly.
The Fifth Commandment, “You shall not kill,” is probably the best known of the Commandments, but it involves more than the intentional demise of people. But, first and foremost, it does warn us against just that. People are made in the image of God. To take a life unjustly is to violate this intrinsic dignity, it breaks the “Golden Rule” (i.e., “do unto others as you would have them do to you”), and is an affront to God's role as the Lord of Life. “No one can under any circumstance claim for himself the right directly to destroy an innocent human being.” (see CCC #2258, 2261)
This accounts for life at all stages. Abortion, embryonic stem cell research, and in-vitro fertilization are examples of actions that (either directly or indirectly) involve the taking of innocent human life in its earliest phases. So-called “mercy killings” or “death with dignity” killings of the elderly are also morally wrong. Suicide is also an affront to this Commandment. The Church has come a long way in understanding this last one. We now understand that people who take their lives are usually trying to avoid some pain which they found unbearable. But while the Church still holds out hope for their salvation, in no way can suicide (or killing anyone to avoid pain) to be considered a morally good solution to the problem of suffering. (see CCC #2280-2283)
The heart of this Commandment is on the intrinsic dignity of the human person. So anything that violates this dignity falls under this commandment. Ever been the victim of malicious gossip? Yep, your attackers broke the 5th. Kidnappers, hostage-takers, terrorists, and even actions like abusing drugs, excessive speeding, or harboring resentment or hatred toward another are sanctioned under this Commandment.
A word, though, on drug use and the like. Health is a gift and anything that affects it for the worse should be avoided. But being healthy is not an absolute good. This is where the virtue of temperance (avoiding things to excess) comes in. Believe it or not, smoking (when done in moderation) is not a sin! Having an occasional cigar or drink is fine. Why? Well, if it were, eating or drinking anything other than the extra-lean-tofuaburger with the parsley and orange-slice garnish downed with the soy almond (with extra liquid minerals and flaxseed!) protein shake would be sinful too. Don't turn the good of healthy living into a religious cult. If something becomes addictive to the detriment of your health, yes it's wrong. But having a super-sized Big Mac occasionally isn't bad either. (see CCC #2289-2291)
I would be remiss if I didn't clarify that this Commandment focuses on the harming of innocent human life. Unfortunately, sometimes people are put in situations where taking someone's life was not the goal but the unfortunate and unavoidable byproduct of a situation beyond their control. Sometimes pregnant women have medical issues where the only medical solutions available will not allow their unborn child(ren) to live through the procedure. As long as these procedures are the only options available and they do not intentionally aim at killing the unborn, they are permitted and, properly understood, they are not abortions. Another example: people have a right to self defense. Sometimes that involves lethal force. There can be situations where the death of a person is justified. Everyone should work toward peaceful resolutions to conflicts. But there are times where self-defense is not only permitted but “a grave duty” when it involves protecting the innocent or the common good of society. (see CCC #2321)
“Honor your father and your mother.” So says the Fourth Commandment. If you read the comments on my first installment of this series, you may remember that there's a subtle delineation in the Commandments: the first three focus on our behavior toward God, and the remainder focus on our behavior toward others. So while this may be the fourth Commandment, it is also the first about us.
And the first thing God would have us cherish is our families. It is hard to overestimate the importance of families. In a very real sense, they are a visible representation of God on earth. Well, at least they're supposed to be. That notion comes from Genesis 1 where God talks about how we're made in His image and likeness. Families have a God-given calling to love and cherish each other. They give their children the great gift of life itself and they are the first to introduce the Christian faith to them. Children owe them their gratitude for these gifts. (see CCC #2197)
This Commandment spells out the lines of authority that parents have with their children. If we were to ask the question of why should children listen to their parents, how would we respond? Is it because the kids are weaker, smaller, don't have the know-how and skills to run a household, and (in a phrase) dependent on their parents? While it is true that children are dependents, the foundation for a parent's authority is founded on God's love for us. They're God's children first, and they are entrusted to their human parents who have God's permission to raise them. To honor one's parents is to honor the Creator who is reflected in the holiness their parents instill in them.
In a similar way, this Commandment also involves all those who have responsibility to raise and teach others: “...instructors, teachers, leaders, magistrates, those who govern, all who exercise authority over others or over a community of persons.” (CCC #2199)
Raising one's child in the faith goes hand-in-hand with this Commandment. Education in general is paramount: “The role of parents in education is of such importance that it is almost impossible to provide an adequate substitute.” (CCC #2221) It is a grave moral duty for Christian households to raise their children in the faith. They do this, first and foremost, by creating a family environment that teaches through example the principles of kindness, generosity, forgiveness, and self-mastery that are not only foundational to the faith but essential for a person to be truly free. (CCC #2223)
Allow me to put in a word to those who think that it's ok to disregard the faith when it comes to their children. This usually manifests itself as refusing to take their kids to church. May I simply remind everyone that all the Commandments are linked. The third and fourth have a special affinity for each other in that denigrating one leads to the erosion of the other. To put it bluntly: if you teach your kids that the third Commandment is optional, it won't take them long to figure out that the fourth Commandment is optional too. If we, God's children, act out against our Father in heaven, don't be surprised if our little ones act out too. Just sayin'.
A quick word on respect. This Commandment does not imply a blind loyalty to a parent's decisions. Sometimes parents make bad decisions that their children can (and should) disagree with. But we can still be grateful for the gift of life (and other gifts) we received from them.
We all know what the Ten Commandments are, but not everyone knows them by heart. So, to that end, I thought I'd give some basic info for the next few weeks (months?) as an aid in learning them.
And why is this important? Well, because Jesus said as much. In the Gospel of Matthew (specifically, Matthew 19:16-19), a rich young man asks Jesus what he must do to attain eternal life. His answer? “Keep the commandments.” If we don't know them, we can't follow them, and we can't teach them to others.
As I mentioned last week, there are two places in the Bible where you can find the Commandments: Exodus 20:2-17 and Deuteronomy 5:6-21. Do yourself a favor and read them in your Bible (you have a Bible, right? Right???). You'll see that there are actually more than ten “Thou Shall Not's” in there, so you can understand how people came up with different numbering systems over the years. And yes, if we had access to the original stone Tablets we could put that controversy to rest, but the original Tablets were placed in the Ark of the Covenant (see Exodus 25:16) and the Ark has been lost...no one can remember which governmental warehouse it was archived in when Indiana Jones brought it here to America....
Here's a typical Catholic rendition of the Ten Commandments: